We bring attention to one of the first online conversations of Momgotajob and our first live recording, which you can watch here - https://fb.watch/iubafh8pyL/, where we introduced you to Mihaela Angelova. She is a psychologist, entrepreneur and trainer, according to her. Mihaela has a BA in Cultural Studies and two MAs in Management for Organizational Excellence and Health Psychology. She also has professional experience in individual and group counseling and personal development training. She is also in the process of acquiring a qualification as a psychotherapist in Family Therapy.
momgotajob: "What is the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness in a relationship and in the family in general?"
Michaela: "An assertive person is one who knows their own boundaries and respects the boundaries of the other person. Aggression, in turn, leads to being in a position where we stand up for ourselves and sweep away everything from the other side.”
Establishing our boundaries is one of our tasks as individuals. A good lesson for children is not with words, but with a personal example of boundaries. Boundaries are very important - both ours and our children's, because a person is independent when he knows where "personal" begins and ends. Children's privacy should be respected and they should be treated as human beings. It's good to treat them like mature people. Mihaela and I discussed that it is assertive to state one's position, but not to exclude empathy for others. It is assertive to share from the point of view of "I" - we should not betray ourselves. One should put oneself first, but not forget about those in second and third place, and so on. It is assertive to be ready to say "no" but also to hear "no". On the other hand, "you" language is aggressive. This is accusatory language, but not all aggression is harmful or unnecessary. There is also a healthy aggression that keeps us safe.
"Another difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness is the language and intent with which we enter a given situation. Aggressive language is accusatory, and assertive language is constructive," Mihaela also shares. "Standing up for yourself is a path. I am also walking this path, I think we are all walking it and we are somewhere. And it doesn't stop, it keeps going."
Mihaela introduced us to the types of domestic violence, sharing her perspective and knowledge on the subject, as a psychologist and member of the organization Emprove. She explained that domestic violence can be physical, psychological, emotional and sexual. We need to recognize it in order to clear it, just as we physically clean our home when it has become dirty. If we don't feel safe and calm at home, how can we be assertive outside of it?
In the process of self-discovery, we can see ourselves in a light that we don't like. However, the readiness to see our dark side is the moment of enlightenment. We can only change ourselves. Then the attitude towards us in the environment changes.
"When we point a finger at someone, we forget that we are pointing three fingers at ourselves. We can't change anyone but ourselves", Mihaela points out.
Stay tuned for articles on the rest of Momgotajob's online talks!